REPORT VII

‘E.Tea in the Ama-Zone’
part II

reading time: 3 minutes

-unedited-

part I press here
part III press here

During my tenure with the tribe I had built up an unconquerable tolerance towards the Amazonian vine tea. So as my highs were getting low, I was slowly sobering up, getting all edgy, twitchy and itchy. I really just wanted to go home…

But dammit.

El Dorado.  

Peddle. Peddle.

Using my elephant bone as a rudder I floated on the Amazon in one of the tribes hollowed out tree trunk canoes they’d, knowing my spaceship had been blown to smithereens, offered me right before our final farewells.

Peddle. Peddle. Twitchy itch.

El Dorado, El Dorado, I scoffed while munching on some sago worms trying to calm myself down.

Peddle. Peddle. Twitchy itch.

Suddenly.

Something caught my attention. A sparkle in the water. 

There! 

And there! 

Finally..

I spat the licked out head of a sago worm into the water and pushing my elephant bone to the left, directed myself out of the center of the vast flow towards a secluded cove which I thought to be the place where these sparkles originated from. 

Anxious I waited for the sand to settle.

But.

Boom!

Yes!

As anticipated the cove was peppered with little grains of sparkling gold hinting at El Dorado being near. Wasting no time I, out of my satchel, dug up the adorned guide-stone the shaman had given me when he’d learned I was looking for the famous city of gold. 

Holding up the stone, I peered around. 

Nothing. 

Fek. 

Oh wait… 

There! 

I noticed how a small creek, about three meters wide, fed into the cove, but that was it…

No sign of El Dorado. 

Fek.

I looked at the stone, but nothing.

Fekkin stone.

Frustrated I looked around and as I was pummeling the shaman’s gift against the side of the canoe, something happened. 

As soon as the stone touched the water it started to spiral, spinning me in my tree trunk round and around. 

Fekking odd

I thought, but there was more. 

After the fifth turn, the three meter wide creek feeding into the cove started to change the direction of its flow, pulling me and my tree trunk canoe up into uncharted territories.

Hmmmm. Twitchy itch.

Floating under low hanging trees and other wild vibrant greenery, the creek curled through parts of the forest, desolate, scattered with animals yet to be discovered. And where the water first was three meters wide it narrowed down to two, then one and then I got stuck. 

Fuck.

I hopped out and followed the last twists and turns of the strange little stream on foot. Soon the trickle became wide as a fist and so saturated with gold it appeared to be on fire. 

Hmmmm. Twitchy itch.

I kept at it until I reached a solid slab of stone where magical mist rolled over the damp forest floor in front of it. 

Wafting away the fog I noticed that what was left of the creek’s water got sucked in through a crack in the slab and as I tried to peek through a curtain of moss acted all weird, opened itself up and… 

Boom! 

At once I was on the other side.

Ommegat.

Itchy. Itch.

Where tales and legends had me expecting treasure and jewels, this was something else. El Dorado lay hidden inside a hollow mountain and as I walked around I…

‘You!’

Whut?

Peering into the distance I saw, on top of a golden knoll right under the hole from where the sunlight fell in, an old naked lady covered in gold dust.

Whut?

She looked at me, leaning on a stick, and laughed very excited. 

‘Hahahare you here for the secret? She winked and winked. 

‘I actually just want to go ho…’

‘Yes!? You want to know the great secret of El Dorahahahado!’ 

‘Do you maybe have some itch…’

‘I hahaha, will tell you the great secret of El Dorahahado.’ 

Eager to spill the beans she pointed her finger upwards and… 

BAM!

Fek me..

Out of nowhere, lightning struck exploding the little woman in front of me with its power.

Remarkable…

Must’ve been all that gold dust. I thought, but I was too tired to really care. 

Still itching and fed up with the speed of these plot twists, I decided it was time to wrap shit up and head back home. So on the side of the knoll I found a small door leading me into the dwellings of the old lady cladded in gold. 

Bang!

I kicked it open, glanced around and took some notes for later reviewing.

There.

Delving through the space I found another door, pushed it open and ended up in some sort of a garage where a gold birdlike artifact, which I immediately recognized from the books I once read read about the mysterious Quimbaya people, was stowed. 

Science and levers and muscle got the birdlike artifact to the top of the golden knoll where, surrounded by the precious metal and touched by sunlight, it started to buzz and and whizz and spark. 

I took off all my clothes and covered myself in gold dust, which not only soothed the itching but helped in forming some sort of a Faraday cage to protect me from the currents. I sat down on the back of the golden bird, moved my hands over certain parts as to alter the power-flow and it started to float.

C ya.

part I press here
part III press here

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